overshare

So most of you who read this are my friends.
Which is totally cool, I'm glad to offer some entertainment outside of the repetitive facebook creeping.
Unfortunately for you, I also like to use this as an outlet from time to time, which means that on this occasion you are going to have to hear me gush just a tad.

I'll find a notebook and spill all the nauseatingly cute things in there, but I will say that I'm over the moon.

Getting with someone new is always exciting and exhilarating and with him it's all that and more.
Like someone has turned the colour on a black and white tv.
To quote Dr.Seuss "when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams", I wouldn't want to redo any regrets from our history because it's brought me to this point and made me who I am.

The important part is now and what's to come, and I can't wait to find out.

chats with mom

I'm going on my third friend's wedding in a few months.
I think that's pretty good for being 25.

Anyways, I'm trying to figure out what to get for the wedding shower and naturally wandered away from other people's selections and started browsing at one of my go-tos BHLDN.com -a little gem I was introduced to while at 'bells. (check it out it's AH-MAZE-ING-see pics below).
My mom happened to be sprawled across my bed in a cat-like manner wearing an apron and her winter coat while I was doing this so since she didn't seem to be leaving anytime soon I decided to share with her some of my favs.
Automatically me showing her images of water jugs meant I was getting married (the Martha Stewart in me can't resist a classy glass water jug or a tiered cupcake stand-she knows this! but I did happen to start dating a guy that she's in love with, so it doesn't take much to excite her).
But like most mothers might react with pulling the ancient, dated, laced wedding dress from it's garment bag or the very least gossiping about the fledgling romance, mine gets all serious faced and tells me she wants me to travel before I get married.
Because apparently seeing the majority of the populated areas of Canada (some more than once) from Vancouver to P.E.I, seeing 5 european countries (snowboarding in the alps), Mexico, Dominican and a nice strip of North America's eastern seaboard isn't good enough at 25.

Okay that's pretty cool that my mom isn't throwing me out the house and elbowing me down the aisle, but give a girl some credit!
Plus, wouldn't it be more fun to travel with a hunky guy you're in love with and have foreign vacation sexy time?!?

some selected favs from BHLDN
Blooming Bridesmaid Card:

Thackety Pitcher:

broken.

I broke up with him.
First off, I'm okay. It sucks, it hurts and some days are worse than others, but I know it's for the best and I made the right choice for me.

I don't even know what I want to say about it. He's a really fantastic person, and I wish he could see that in himself instead of assuming the worst possible outcome.
In my experience eventually if you believe hard enough that you're worthless and undeserving then everyone else will believe that of you too, then your worst scenario becomes reality.
Me believing in him never seemed to convince him though. But that's not what the issue was.

I really do miss him. And there are days when I just want to call him or have him next to me. But it wouldn't make the situation any easier because I don't want to get back together. And selfishly wanting him in my life while not giving him what he wants isn't fair to either of us.
For a long time I've been able to stay close with the majority of my past relationships (one committed and a few casual) but I don't know about this one.
It's his birthday tomorrow so I'll give him a text and see what happens.

"this is my favourite..."

I found myself in a sex shop last night.
Not that this was my first, but not that I'm a regular customer.
It was a mix of curiosity getting to this little cat and maybe a little sugar rush. And okay maybe I've been secretly waiting to be outside one when someone says "I've always wanted to go in there...". Strength in numbers, buddy system and all.

It wasn't the classiest of shops, I'm not sure if that's something they're going for but I feel if I owned one I'd make it classy. More of a boutique than something with boarded up windows and a complimentary (and necessary) bottle of hand sanitizer on the way out.

I was with a friend and besides the shop clerk (a friendly girl with too many past-the-point-of-closing-over facial peircings) we were the only people there. With all the anatomically correct body parts though it felt like we weren't alone, but as two thirds of the people in there making noise without the press of a button ("this one has multiple speeds") we tried to keep our comments to silent nods and knowing looks.

Something about the subject of the store had me moving at a faster pace than my curiosity would like, but at the same time I knew too long of a linger is an open door to an awkward sales pitch that I didn't have the desire to deflect without seeming prude-ish (prunish).
But when the linger came and I actually picked something up, the eagerness in the sales pounce was enough to scream "FINALLY NOT A MAN I CAN SELL-TALK TO WHO WON"T BE LOOKING DOWN MY SHIRT AND ASKING IF I MODELED FOR THE PRODUCT HES ABSENT-MINDEDLY STROKING". On the other hand it had me wishing I had done my research. I'm not one who goes out looking for a face to face lecture on the pros and cons of one vibrator versus another. I also was not in a place where I was mentally, emotionally or physically prepared to have another female pass me a vibrating replica of a certain male piece of anatomy into my hand and look into my eyes expectantly for my reaction and comments.
I feel like I held my own though, curious without being too pervy or waaay to personal, interested without misleading her into empty hopes of a sale.

Then, with our curiosity filled, and maybe one or two things added to the wish list, we made our excuses of melting slushies waiting in the car, and made our retreat.

Status Change

I am a girlfriend.
Hasn't happened officially for about 8 years and I am scared.
Basically the fear has come from my own downward spiral of paranoia that I can't handle a relationship and am not built for it.

It has nothing to do with the guy. He's patient, loyal, funny, laid back, driven, giving and fun.
I can't complain about anything he is or does.

Well I could, but there's nothing I can't accept about him.
Accepting him accepting and liking all my flaws is something I need to work on.

peectures

 always jumping

goodbye sweet summer

 home.

mack

ruler of all
he who lies in wonder
the earth, the sky, my heart, his home
never pausing with doubt, never starting with fear
his family, my family
my brother, my boo