overshare

So most of you who read this are my friends.
Which is totally cool, I'm glad to offer some entertainment outside of the repetitive facebook creeping.
Unfortunately for you, I also like to use this as an outlet from time to time, which means that on this occasion you are going to have to hear me gush just a tad.

I'll find a notebook and spill all the nauseatingly cute things in there, but I will say that I'm over the moon.

Getting with someone new is always exciting and exhilarating and with him it's all that and more.
Like someone has turned the colour on a black and white tv.
To quote Dr.Seuss "when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams", I wouldn't want to redo any regrets from our history because it's brought me to this point and made me who I am.

The important part is now and what's to come, and I can't wait to find out.

chats with mom

I'm going on my third friend's wedding in a few months.
I think that's pretty good for being 25.

Anyways, I'm trying to figure out what to get for the wedding shower and naturally wandered away from other people's selections and started browsing at one of my go-tos BHLDN.com -a little gem I was introduced to while at 'bells. (check it out it's AH-MAZE-ING-see pics below).
My mom happened to be sprawled across my bed in a cat-like manner wearing an apron and her winter coat while I was doing this so since she didn't seem to be leaving anytime soon I decided to share with her some of my favs.
Automatically me showing her images of water jugs meant I was getting married (the Martha Stewart in me can't resist a classy glass water jug or a tiered cupcake stand-she knows this! but I did happen to start dating a guy that she's in love with, so it doesn't take much to excite her).
But like most mothers might react with pulling the ancient, dated, laced wedding dress from it's garment bag or the very least gossiping about the fledgling romance, mine gets all serious faced and tells me she wants me to travel before I get married.
Because apparently seeing the majority of the populated areas of Canada (some more than once) from Vancouver to P.E.I, seeing 5 european countries (snowboarding in the alps), Mexico, Dominican and a nice strip of North America's eastern seaboard isn't good enough at 25.

Okay that's pretty cool that my mom isn't throwing me out the house and elbowing me down the aisle, but give a girl some credit!
Plus, wouldn't it be more fun to travel with a hunky guy you're in love with and have foreign vacation sexy time?!?

some selected favs from BHLDN
Blooming Bridesmaid Card:

Thackety Pitcher:

broken.

I broke up with him.
First off, I'm okay. It sucks, it hurts and some days are worse than others, but I know it's for the best and I made the right choice for me.

I don't even know what I want to say about it. He's a really fantastic person, and I wish he could see that in himself instead of assuming the worst possible outcome.
In my experience eventually if you believe hard enough that you're worthless and undeserving then everyone else will believe that of you too, then your worst scenario becomes reality.
Me believing in him never seemed to convince him though. But that's not what the issue was.

I really do miss him. And there are days when I just want to call him or have him next to me. But it wouldn't make the situation any easier because I don't want to get back together. And selfishly wanting him in my life while not giving him what he wants isn't fair to either of us.
For a long time I've been able to stay close with the majority of my past relationships (one committed and a few casual) but I don't know about this one.
It's his birthday tomorrow so I'll give him a text and see what happens.

"this is my favourite..."

I found myself in a sex shop last night.
Not that this was my first, but not that I'm a regular customer.
It was a mix of curiosity getting to this little cat and maybe a little sugar rush. And okay maybe I've been secretly waiting to be outside one when someone says "I've always wanted to go in there...". Strength in numbers, buddy system and all.

It wasn't the classiest of shops, I'm not sure if that's something they're going for but I feel if I owned one I'd make it classy. More of a boutique than something with boarded up windows and a complimentary (and necessary) bottle of hand sanitizer on the way out.

I was with a friend and besides the shop clerk (a friendly girl with too many past-the-point-of-closing-over facial peircings) we were the only people there. With all the anatomically correct body parts though it felt like we weren't alone, but as two thirds of the people in there making noise without the press of a button ("this one has multiple speeds") we tried to keep our comments to silent nods and knowing looks.

Something about the subject of the store had me moving at a faster pace than my curiosity would like, but at the same time I knew too long of a linger is an open door to an awkward sales pitch that I didn't have the desire to deflect without seeming prude-ish (prunish).
But when the linger came and I actually picked something up, the eagerness in the sales pounce was enough to scream "FINALLY NOT A MAN I CAN SELL-TALK TO WHO WON"T BE LOOKING DOWN MY SHIRT AND ASKING IF I MODELED FOR THE PRODUCT HES ABSENT-MINDEDLY STROKING". On the other hand it had me wishing I had done my research. I'm not one who goes out looking for a face to face lecture on the pros and cons of one vibrator versus another. I also was not in a place where I was mentally, emotionally or physically prepared to have another female pass me a vibrating replica of a certain male piece of anatomy into my hand and look into my eyes expectantly for my reaction and comments.
I feel like I held my own though, curious without being too pervy or waaay to personal, interested without misleading her into empty hopes of a sale.

Then, with our curiosity filled, and maybe one or two things added to the wish list, we made our excuses of melting slushies waiting in the car, and made our retreat.

Status Change

I am a girlfriend.
Hasn't happened officially for about 8 years and I am scared.
Basically the fear has come from my own downward spiral of paranoia that I can't handle a relationship and am not built for it.

It has nothing to do with the guy. He's patient, loyal, funny, laid back, driven, giving and fun.
I can't complain about anything he is or does.

Well I could, but there's nothing I can't accept about him.
Accepting him accepting and liking all my flaws is something I need to work on.

peectures

 always jumping

goodbye sweet summer

 home.

mack

ruler of all
he who lies in wonder
the earth, the sky, my heart, his home
never pausing with doubt, never starting with fear
his family, my family
my brother, my boo

don't do this...

1. Date a boy who owns a cat.
if he happens to live in a house that is co-habitated by a cat then that's okay.
I don't see the need to explain this one, cats are bitches. and no one wants to date a bitch.

delish!

2. Order pasta on a first date
or sushi (even though it's extremely tasty and highly addictive), especially if you can't use chopsticks.
pasta and sushi are not eaten in a sexual way and you will spend the majority of your date starring at the plate, awkwardly trying to consume your food, hoping you don't have sauce on your face and praying you don't choke on rice.
Tapas bars are the best choice, sharing and conversation friendly!



3. This should be a given, but don't date someone who smokes.
unless you smoke, in which case spread the lung cancer love (to each other, I don't want none of that shiz)

4. Movie theatre for a first date.
unless it's a marathon of your favourite director and he brought all your fav treats.
because that's just too cute to reject.
but movies=no talking and awkward avoidance of touching.

5. Buy pantyhose is a size you THINK you are
if at no other time, be honest with yourself on this one.
you're just going to feel fatter with that unforgiving waistband separating your midsection into "muffin" and "top"






6. Leave birth control to chance
no glove? no love
unless you're trying to have a baby, in that case do the opposite.

addiction

food
nicotine
aspartame

Lately it seems like I've been discussing addictions a lot.
I interviewed a girl yesterday for the school paper who won a thousand dollars for having quit smoking.
Where's the thousand dollars for people who stop over eating?
Or drugs?

Addiction is a tough thing to fight, and it's a personal fight.
You're alone with your addiction in your own mind.
It's not just a test of physical strength, you have to be so set in your will to conquer it to be able to stop.

Then once you do, your addiction takes it's toll on your body.

Having never been addicted to a drug or substance I'm not sure how easy or difficult it is to find help.
Or support.
It would seem that if you're an addict to a drug or substance that you would be surrounded by people who are also addicted.
How do you get support to quit from other addicts?
I know my brother has had a tough time quitting smoking, and while he has support on the home front, he also has his posse of cigarette encrusted friends.

So when you're addicted, you might be able to walk away from the drug, but can you walk away from your friends?

tick tock

For me, school is great.
I love it, I really do. I've always had a yearning for knowledge, though I didn't really enjoy the conventional methods of learning.

I always thought I knew what I wanted to do.
Fashion.
From grade 6 to grade 12 I was going into fashion.
Everyone knew me as the girl who drew clothes.
But never the fashionista. I've always preferred hoodies and jeans to anything risque.
I'm sure a shrink would love to dissect that as an attempt to blend in and not be noticed, but we can dive into the self-esteem issues later.

But when it came time to apply to Ryerson (my dream) I froze.
I didn't have a portfolio.
I didn't even know how to sew.
One sewing course, an ugly pair of pajama pants and an unfinished skirt later and I knew my way around a pattern at least.

It was enough to make me realize that perhaps it was time to find a different dream.
So there I was.
About to graduate and no career choice.
Because that's what it's all about right?!
Our whole existence here in North America is to go to school so you can get a job, which you will work at 5 days a week until you retire on a measly pension to survive on until you die.
Awesome.

So babies about to graduate into that wild and wonderful world of adulthood,
what will you choose?

photog blog

no man is an island

3 days.

That’s all it took for me to decide to go to another country.

I’m a procrastinator so all it took for me to pack was just shy of 24 hours.

In a few short hours a country had lost everything.

Getting off the airplane, breathing in the wet, heavy air and following the shuffling, nervously excited crowd through the open-air airport, none of the images I had seen streaming on TVs came to mind.The press conference held by the Govenor General of Canada that I listened to and cried to wasn’t registering.

A few short hours away from where I planned to be vacationing and frolicking on a beach was a country full of desperation and despair.

A few short hours away from the airport sat the border between Dominican Republic and Haiti.

How could one side of an island be flattened, while the other still stood?

Throughout the week there were often times when the reality of where we were would hit us.

Strangely enough it would come at the same time.

A group of young adults, our lives still full of potential and advantages we largely aren’t aware of.

Laughing about what had happened the night before while replenishing our hydration levels with the free beverages supplied to us.

Then there would be a lull in conversation.

Eyes would drift to the ocean and the mountain range we could see across the bay and someone would mention it.

No one ever had a response beyond a nod or a murmur of some kind.

It was more someone using their voice for all our thoughts.

Our resort sat right in the small town of Sosua and it was easy to wander the streets and experience real Dominican life.

In the streets shop owners, women offering hair braiding, manicures and pedicures would call to us.

Sometimes we would stop and talk to them and we heard some of their stories.

Many of them were Haitian.

We were broke.

Our trip was funded by my mother.

We knew when we got home we would have to face bills that we had no income to pay for.

But we still had a home to return to.

silence

there are two main places i've noticed where it seems customary for people to avoid talking.

the elevator

and the train station.

somehow the train station is always noisy, but it never seems like anyone is talking to each other. especially once you've gotten off the train and are shuffling towards the stairs. everyone is so caught up in their own escape route that you wouldn't notice if your highschool crush was the guy awkwardly trying not to bump into you.

it's not so much that elevators are free of chit chat, but conversations between friends or coworkers always seem to die out almost instantly after those doors hiss shut.

almost like you feel as if you might shatter the silent sanctuary of the elevator ride. or ruin someone's enjoyment of the award winning elevator music.

I can't think of much of a reason for the lack of chatter, so let's talk

how to effectively waste time online

So,

As a first time blogger I'd like to start off by asking you to be gentle with me.

I might look like an avid blogger, but I swear this is my first time.

Some websites I'd like to make you aware of, in case you haven't made them a part of your life yet...

First one I usually check is www.fmylife.com

We all have moments, or days (or weeks) that just don't go the way we would like. Here's how to let the world know how bad your day was.

This is a website filled with posts from people who have experienced an unfortunate event in their lives, which in turn makes me feel better about my own life.

Some of the posts are lame and the person's own fault, but overall it's still very entertaining and time consuming.

On the flipside is www.mylifeisaverage.com.

The lighter side of life.

The people who post on this site experience some of the same things as their FML compadres, only they don't consider it the end of the world.

Warning: they are die hard Harry Potter fans and do not like Twilight. At all.

For anyone who's ever worried about what they might have sent on their phones before deleting their outboxes after a night out on the town, then check out www.textsfromlastnight.com for a glimpse into what you might have sent.

Filled with random texts that are hilarious, embarassing and somehow familiar, always a good source for a laugh or a cringe.

Sunday morning hangovers have never had it better than www.postsecret.com

Every sunday secrets from the book series Post Secret are posted on the website along with videos made by the book's producers.

New posts only happen on Sundays so you have to wait to get your secret fix.

For music lovers sick of their playlists there's www.wearehunted.com

Uber easy to use and find new bands you may not have heard of. The music collection is chosen by taking what people are talking about on various online forums (Twitter, Facebook, blogs etc). You can listen to songs by the artists and download (for a fee) directly from the site.

Post one over and out.